ReDraft Day!

Hey fellow Quarantiners. With all this free time on our hands, my friends and I decided to go into a different direction this week, given that we are now two short weeks away from the 2020 NFL Draft. We got crazy and REEEEdrafted the memorable 2004 draft class.

So help me God, if the NFL can’t figure out how to run this draft remotely, I will lose my shit. The NFL is a billion dollar organization with some of the best minds in the country working for it. If you can’t figure out how to securely set up this draft with all of the funds and personnel you have at your fingertips, you are a lost cause. Let dudes come into your house with hazmat suits on and set shit up, use remote services to have them setup your computers, whatever it takes! We football fans need this!

Without further ado, the results!

S-SDPhilip Rivers
R-OAKEli Manning
B-AZBen Roethlisberger
S-NYGLarry Fitzgerald
R-WASJared Allen
B-CLEJason Peters
S-DETDarnell Dockett
R-ATLChris Snee
B-JAXJonathan Vilma
S-HOUDeAngelo Hall
R-PITSteven Jackson
B-NYJVince Wilfork
S-BUFKellen Winslow Jr.
R-CHITommie Harris
B-TBKarlos Dansby
S-SFLee Evans
R-CINRandy Starks
B-NOWill Smith
S-MINDaryl Smith
R-MIAWes Welker
B-BALShawn Andrews
S-DALNick Hardwick
R-SEAJason Babin
B-DENBob Sanders
S-GBDJ Williams
R-STLShaun Phillips
B-TENChris Gamble
S-PHIMichael Clayton
R-INDMike Adams
B-KCScott Wells
S-CARChris Cooley
R-NERoy Williams
Soak in those big names in different places


Right off the bat, hard to bypass any of the future Hall of Famers (whether you think any are locks or borderline is a convo for another day). Especially at the Quarterback spot. Looking back now, none of the Top 3 teams would hesitate and take the Franchise QBs 1-2-3.

I drafted Phil Rivers back to the Chargers. Knowing what we know now, why would they change things? Rivers was a Top 3-5 Quarterback and consummate pro for the Chargers organization for 15 years. Rivers put the team in position to make Super Bowl runs year in and year out. The Chargers could have done some things differently since 2004 to propel them to a Super Bowl, but Rivers ain’t it. They stick with what worked.

Think we can all agree, R made the correct move in not drafting Robert Gallery a second time for the Oakland Raiders. R ends up taking Eli Manning to Northern Cali, where he could turn around a franchise and give them their first viable Franchise QB since the Stabler/Plunkett era. Wouldn’t it be a sight…..the calm Easy E in the Black Hole leading the Raiders in Black and Silver………(shivers).

“Had to take the two time SB MVP since Benedict Kasabian picked Rivers over our boy.” – R

B rounded out the Top 3 with taking the other obvious future Hall of Famer in Ben Roethlisberger, and why not? The man would bring some stability to another organization that lacked a Franchise Quarterback since……ever? Big Ben and the Cardinals give the Seattle Seahawks a legitimate competitor to deal with in the NFC West, where they largely dominated for most of the last two decades.

With the Giants in the #4 spot, a tough spot now that all 3 of the QBs are off the board, I go BPA and get Larry Fitzgerald. Imagine a world, where instead of being in AZ, the Warner to Fitz connection takes place in New York. Warner sticks with the Giants after Collins leaves town and gets SHINY new weapon in Fitzgerald, who dominates the NFC East and create a formidable trio with Warner, Barber and Fitzgerald. Wouldn’t hate it!

Rounding out the Top 5, with the Redskins on the board, R made a rare, wise choice, for the R-words. R ends up taking Jared Allen, who ended going in the 4th Round of the 2004 draft in real life.

Jared Allen - Wikipedia
How did this flow last until the 4th Round?

Clearly the best pass rusher in this draft (136 career sacks), Allen goes on to wreak havoc in the NFC East. As a Giant fan, I would be terrified to see this take place, as he would have provided such a problem for David Diehl for many years to come.

Shotgunning the rest of the way with some quick hits on each player.

#6 Cleveland Browns – Jason Peters: Peters, who was an undrafted Tight End in 2004, works his way up to the Top 10. Quiet the career for the big man and gives all shitty QBs in Cleveland a bit of certainty on their blindside. Can’t go wrong with a stud LT.

#7 Detroit Lions – Darnell Dockett: Dockett stays in the NFC, but goes into the the NFC North to help the middle of the Lion defense. Dockett put up a SOLID nine-year stretch where he racked up 472 tackles and 40+ sacks. Teams love that pressure up the middle and Dockett gives the Lions that in a division with Favre and Culpepper.

#8 Atlanta Falcons -Chris Snee: The mean Guard out of BC goes to Atlanta to help out Mike Vick and that Falcon offense and running game. Snee was an All-Pro Guard that gives the Falcons 8+ years of reliability from the inside and keeps Vick on the field in one piece.

“Tommy C’s son-in-law performed slightly better than Pauly Shore (REACH REFERENCE). Had to beef up the OLine to keep Vick clean.” – R

#9 Jacksonville Jaguars -Jonathan Vilma: The Jags go defense with the #9 pick and get the tackling machine Vilma to give them a fearsome LB corps. In a division that features Peyton Manning and the Colts offense, Steve McNair and Eddie George in Tennessee, the Jags choose to beef up their already solid defense to matchup.

#10 Houston Texans – DeAngelo Hall: Texans had the right thought process here, going Cornerback in 2004. They simply picked the wrong one. They get it right this time with DeAngelo Hall, the 3x Pro Bowler with 43 career interceptions. Sure coulda used that kinda dude to cover the likes of Marvin Harrison, Reggie Wayne, and Derrick Mason.

#11 Pittsburgh Steelers – Stephen Jackson: The Steelers stick to their mantra of playing great defense and running the ball. They take Jackson with the 11th pick and get 11 seasons of great play out of the running back spot. A rarity in the NFL. Jackson was such a weapon in the running game and passing game and he takes the mantle from The Bus and runs with it. Pun intended.

#12 New York Jets – Vince Wilfork: Herm Edwards plays to win the games. How he likes to win games is by having a great defense. Wilfork mans the middle of a Jet defense that needs to slow down Brady and the Pats. Big man gonna eat in NY.

Vince Wilfork retires in a commercial for ribs and charcoal ...

#13 Buffalo Bills – Kellen Winslow Jr.: The Buffalo Bill defense is rocking in rolling. Mike Mularkey is an offensive mind that wants to get Drew Bledsoe some help. Instead of Lee Evans, they take the dynamic Winslow who becomes a weapon for Bledsoe for years to come over the middle of the field. Winslow would be welcomed by Bills Mafia looking for a new soldier to help their offense.

Best Kellen Winslow GIFs | Gfycat
Calm down Kellen.

#14 Chicago Bears – Tommie Harris: The 2nd time in this draft where a player ends up with the same team that drafted him in real life. Harris was a rock solid Defensive Tackle for a Bear defense that carried a terrible offense for a long time through the mid-2000’s.

“04 Bears have one of the worst offenses I’ve ever seen (9 total passing TDs) , so I decided to completely ignore it and keep the chalk pick. QB situation – Hutchinson, Krenzel, Quinn and Grossman all started 3 games. YIKES.” – R

#15 Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Karlos Dansby: Dansby goes to the Bucs and pairs up with Derrick Brooks to form a fantastic LB corps on an already great defense for Jon Gruden. With the Falcons and Saints in your division, you need all the defense you can get.

#16 San Francisco 49ers – Lee Evans: With Terrell Owens moving on, the 49ers are on the look out for a new WR and they get one in Lee Evans. My God did the 49ers get this one wrong in the real draft with Rashaun Woods. Not sure if I ever saw a 1st Rounder given up on as quickly as Woods was, who was out of the league in just his 2nd season.

#17 Cincinnati Bengals – Randy Starks: “04 Bengals roster is surprisingly solid, but makes sense that they underachieved as once a Bengal always a Bengal. Randy Starks is also a tough ass name.” -R

#18 New Orleans Saints – Will Smith: No, not this one.

That’s right. I chose the Aladdin pic of all Big Willy movies.

#19 Minnesota Vikings – Daryl Smith: The 2004 Viking offense is set. There were very few holes on that side of the ball. The Viking defense was solid in the secondary and on the defensive line, but where they were weak was at Linebacker. Add the dynamic Daryl Smith to the middle of that defense and they take it to the next level. He is the missing piece.

#20 Miami Dolphins – Wes Welker: “Best pick of the draft IMHO. Slipped through the cracks as Pro Football Reference doesn’t chart undrafted guys. Gives Feely the slot he needs?” -R

#21 Baltimore Ravens – Shawn Andrews: Brian Billick has a great defense per usual. He’s got Jamal Lewis fresh off a 2k rushing yard season. NBD. The Ravens wants to keep Lewis rolling, so they add a big boy up front in Shawn Andrews to keep paving the way.

#22 Dallas Cowboys – Nick Hardwick: Between Mark Stepnoski and Travis Frederick, there was a whole lot of nothing. Hardwick gives Tony Romo some much needed protection up the middle. Who knows, maybe Tony is still playing instead of broadcasting/playing golf if Hardwick is drafted in this spot. As I Giant fan, I am perfectly okay with Tony in the booth!

#23 Seattle Seahawks – Jason Babin: “Underrated LB/Edge guy. Feels like a very Seattle pick and player.” – R

#24 Denver Broncos – Bob Sanders: B went for the gusto here and took impact over longevity. Sanders, when on the field, was an absolute playmaker from the Safety spot. Paired with Champ Bailey and John Lynch, that would form one of the best secondaries in the league. It wouldn’t be particularly close.

#25 Green Bay Packers – D.J. Williams: Matching D.J. Williams with Nick Barnett would make the Green Bay defense SOLID. Match that up with Brett Favre and all the weapons at his disposal on the offensive side, and my goodness do the Packers have a loaded squad.

#26 St. Louis Rams – Shaun Phillips: “Surprised to see how long and productive Phillips was for SD. Steal for da Rams here.” – R Rams needed to add a sack specialist to this defense, and they get a great one in Phillips late in the draft here.

#27 Tennessee Titans – Chris Gamble: B went with the mantra “You can never have too many Cornerbacks” and takes Gamble, who had a very solid career and would be a great get for Mr. 500, Jeff Fisher. Fisher loves having a solid defense, so a trio of Samari Rolle, Andre Dyson and Gamble would be great going forward against Peyton Manning.

#28 Philadelphia Eagles – Michael Clayton: Clayton was a victim of some horrific QB play down in Tampa. The Eagles, who were in desperate need of giving McNabb someone to throw to outside of Freddie “FREDEX” Mitchell. They add Terrell Owns and Clayton and Andy Reid’s offense hits the next level.

#29 Indianapolis Colts – Mike Adams: “Needed help at safety and Adams ends up on the Colts later + makes two pro bowls for them.” – R Instead of Sanders, they went with the longevity of Adams, who had a very productive and long career (30 INTs).

#30 Kansas City Chiefs – Scott Wells: Wells anchors a VERY solid offensive line in KC for years to come. Opening holes for Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson. Wells centered some very solid Green Bay Packer offensive lines under Mike Holmgren. He does the same for Dick Vermeil.

#31 Carolina Panthers – Chris Cooley: Cooley adds the missing element to this Panther offense prior to Greg Olsen’s start. Cooley was a great receiving option at TE for many years and he gives the Panther offense another dimension in the middle of the field.

#32 New England Patriots – Roy Williams: What would have been considered a bust earlier in the draft turns into a steal late in the draft for Little Bill. Gets Brady a big target.

“The David’s (Patten, Givens) + Branch is a joke of a WR core for the GOAT. Sneaky production for Roy (44 TDs), but overlooked given high draft pick and he got paaaid.” – R

There it is folks. Flame away if you need to, but miss me with the hate! We just out here trying to have some fun and bringing you along for the ride. We are trying to get another one out for your cool kittens next week. Keep your eyes peeled. It’s not like you got shit else to do over the next few weeks. Stay at home!

Ciao Bellas,

Mr. Glass-Half-Full

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